When I first started this blog, it’s purpose was to:
document my mindset as I struggled with changing perceptions about my celebrity crush and to help me come to terms with the uncertainties
I think it’s served it’s purpose in that way but it’s also made me look more closely at my history of fangirling in general, the patterns of behavior I’ve exhibited through the years with various crushes, and the whys and hows of it all. I’ve been aware of the things that drew me to certain crushes and the role they were playing in my life at that time, but I never really explored the overall mechanics of why it worked for me, and what happened to me internally when I moved on from one crush to another. so in that way, this blog ended up encompassing more than just my Richard Armitage experience. it’s been interesting for me to delve into these things, and it’s brought up a lot of points that I will continue to ponder. because, although focusing on one crush only has it’s benefits, I know I will continue this hobby with actors other than Richard Armitage. but this introspection has taught me that I don’t have to leave one behind for another, that I don’t have to establish a hierarchy, that I can be as intense or as casual as I feel drawn to be.
Just a few weeks ago I talked about taking the casual route to fangirling, how I now find myself preferring to only know ‘just enough’ about a crush in order to maintain a healthy level for myself; only ‘so much & no more’ or things can get out of hand. I also said, just last week, that I will try picking & choosing what I like and leave the rest by the wayside. but in knowing myself like I do, I know there will be times when I crave the intensity, the days/weeks/months when I want to lose myself in the research of a new crush. and that’s okay too.
This thing of mine will continue because it works for me, even if I don’t fully understand how it does. from my prolonged admiration of Christian Bale, through the escapism of Robert Pattinson, to the intensity of Richard Armitage, and the casualness of Jamie Dornan; to every ‘crush’ there is a season. what matters right now is that, with the help of this blog, I’ve been able to sift through the bitterness I was displacing onto Richard for not being able to hold on to the intensity of this crush. and the confusion that brought about.
- do I prefer intensity or ease? (it depends)
- must it be either/or? (there are no rules)
- is one better than the other? (‘better’ is subjective)
- does it depend on the actor himself or is it what I’m craving at the time?(a mixture of both)
- I haven’t been sparked in awhile, will it ever happen again? (yes. thank you, Dan Stevens!)
and that is a small sampling of how my brain refuses to just enjoy things and never shuts off!
I’m sure I will continue to ponder these things, but the goal of working through the Richard Armitage aspect on this blog has been met. I’ve found it extremely helpful. I’m now at a place where I can enjoy him again, without all of that baggage in tow. there is a better balance of positives and negatives now, towards Richard, and this hobby of mine in general. I like to admire actors,
‘they give us those nice bright colors, they give us the greens of summers, makes you think all the world’s a sunny day’.
Thank you for reading! and here’s to many more days/weeks/months(years) of enjoyment in Richard ahead.
Yours in Armitage ❤